v The Fiction We Live v

5:30PM

i want sex

11:05PM

I am confused.
I dont know what to do.
The boy makes me happy, 
but by trying to keep things happy with him, its making me sad
and I know it'll only hurt more later.
I like Brendan, I dont get how things went wrong... I DONT KNOW ANYTHING!
but i still like him.
A boy kissed me this weekend, and although that sounds like good news, I ran outside and cried... for a while.
I like one boy...
and I can't stop liking him yet.
I wish I could be with him but I know a relationship isnt the best thing for either of us right now becuase we both kind of lost ourselves... 
But I miss him and we still talk each day, and I want to see him BUT i want to make him miss me. 
I dont want friends with benefits because friends dont take walks and hold hands... or go out to cute dinners... blah blah blah
but i still want to be with him in that way without being in the "hang out every day" kind of relationship.

I CANT GET THIS OUT WHEN I TRY TO TALK TO HIM.

8:43PM - Opt

I like seeing happy posts by you guys.
I wish I was that optimistic lately.
I love you all.
I feel like my minds been so dramatic lately,
you know,
those kind of  sitting and staring off numbly thing.
But Im working on it,
the smile ive been throwing on my face lately isn't the way to do it though...

5:13PM - PLURAL

ballllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllls

4:28PM - <333

i like this little boy.
he makes me happy (:

7:54PM - THIS IS SO EXCITING

I am sitting in the library. OH college! 
Um... Its nice.
Ive got a pretty nice window view... down below there are books.
Theyre actually like color coordinated, its pretty nice (I think theyre encyclopedias)
College IS
beer
boys
friends who accompany you in your fun beer adventures
PJ (JJ)
BeiRut
Sexyness
food is cute
classes are nice
BUT I WANT MORE...
i want glass elevators in the dorms

thanks, 
Justine


PS Ew boy boy boy boy boy boy boy boy boy boy boy boy boy I just want to be left alone. ALONE.
start over,
pick a nice boy down here...

Current mood: amused

Current music: silence.

1:08PM - Ive been wandering my whole life til I find my way... and Ive never been so lost

I had this terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach when i woke up this morning...
Nobody is closer than 10 hours from me...
and a weekend isnt long enough to travel
and im sick of calling these people i dont reallllly know to make plans every night
but i feel so sad if i stay in to watch a movie
I dont know what to do with myself.
I dont feel like partying for like the first time ever
but i know ill end up obliterated again tonight
or wishing i had gone out.
I dont even go to the dining hall cuz i dont feel like calling anyone to go..
ove been social here
and ive had my fair share of fun
its just hitting me hard that im not coming home
this isnt some sort of vacation
its my life now
and i feel not real.
or whole.
i even miss my parents which i didnt think would hit me hard at all
but it is.
I miss the happiness at home..
yeah, i got to escape some drama
but i lost alot of good times along with that
i dont know what im doing

1:06PM - COME VISIT ME YOU ASSHOLES!

THINGS TO DO:
REMEMBER
bringing back "butthole".
40s
Magical Field
Crownnn (which nobody gets down here)
Combover Kid
Nate and Sam
Blackouts (Ironic)
Love Love Being In Love
Panera
Picture Craze
Our personalities in the Taco Bell Table Pic
Dinner
Spaghettios
I Kill Kill Kill Littles Girls
Requiem for a Dream
POPOVs
Tracyyyy
American Apparel
TripBalls.
Chocolate Fight.
Classy Reno Night.
Double Remis Diner Kids.
Fries Lined with Pickles.
Bagel Deluxe.
Camden Safe Haven.
Little Kid Candy.
Mobilios.
Dr Pepper.
Camping.
The O-Sound.
Applebees.
"im gonna kick ya in the face!"
Insanity Sleepovers
Latine Male Strippers with the Boganssss
Pullin A Clerks
Myspace
Wawa
Click on. Click off...
Furry Toilet.
Booze Backpack.
Booze n' Blade.
BOOZE N' BLADE!
Field Excursions.
I love
DEMMS

Current mood: contemplative

Current music: Nothings On

12:07PM - Im sweaty and I havent slept much lately

Hello. So today was my first day of classes. Exciting. Not. but its actually not bad. Its kind of terrible to wake up at 7 in the morning but manageable. So I went to Psych class first, teacher was cool, very bubbly for an early class, but I could NOT keep my eyes open. Psych is going to be a hard class. Then I went to History... Im likin history. Then I went to get my books... 500 dollars and like 100 pounds to lug back to the dorm. It was wonderful. I need to nap, this environment is crazy, nobody ever sleeps. I think Ive gotten maybe 20 hours to sleep this whole week. which is ok with me. I just dont know when Im finally going to crash. Ive met alot of fun people. Not like Jersey kids. but fun. my fridge buzzes all day and it pisses me off. Bye.

5:59PM - Because Life Isnt That Real

Life is weird.
Im not really mad about anything right now.
Im frustrated sometimes, but before, i was emotional, now im so apathetic about everything.
The one person I should hate the most is probably one of the only people I have nothing bad to say about.
I feel like sometimes we start to forget about other people's feelings, I know:
I've ditched
I've ignored phone calls
I've straight up been like 'get out of my life'
And we all forget that these people are "real", theyre just like us,
they live in their minds 24 hours a day too...
Give people the time of day they deserve.
Everyone seems to be going through their own shit lately...
And I know its hard to be happy,
but it feels great to let it all go.
Life is cool
and now Im leaving.
Ive become friends with amazing people whether its been in like the past month, or the past two years.
I love the excitement of life
but sometimes its hard to make it through the rest of real life.
ps I HAVE 3 WEEKS before I leave for college
Lets make it the most insane 21 days in the history of time.

Current mood: indifferent

Current music: Saosin